I would say that I am not generally an anxious person. Though there have been several episodes in my life where stress, situations out of my control and self-doubt have come together in the perfect balance, to produce an anxiety attack. And tonight was the unwelcome return.
I don’t like to feel out of control. It’s one of the main reasons that I no longer drink to excess and have steered clear of any substances that would alter my thinking. But when I find myself overtaken by an anxiety attack, my body does not respond in its usual way, which can be pretty stressful. I tend to get glued to the spot, in a sort of purgatory of my own making! Fight or flight are impossible and I become very introverted and focussed on specific sounds or feelings. They become amplified and continue until I get overwhelmed and get out of the situation or get overwhelmed and go into panic mode.
People have described panic attacks or anxiety episodes as an elephant sitting on your chest, a crushed can in the stomach, a pressure cooker boiling over… but for me they have never felt like this. For me they sound like listening to a heartbeat through a stethoscope, they taste metallic, the smell odorous they feel cold and detached, and they look hazy and blurred like I am seeing them through a cheap filter. It is an assault on the senses which is uncomfortable and overwhelming.
It is really difficult to articulate how I feel in these moments because I am sort of detached from what is happening to my body. A friendly face two steps away can feel like a mile away.
Today when these symptoms began I was in view of a friendly face, but I was caught off guard and didn’t have the wherewithall to approach them. If I had have done I would probably have been able to talk it out without the escalation of the anxiety. Hindsight is a great thing.
I have learned to manage my anxiety by talking and tracking any triggers that may be part of the cause, but the unwelcome return has held me up at gunpoint! There is no doubt that fatigue plays a part in it for me, and large unfamiliar crowds too.
I can’t spend my life avoiding people just like I can’t ensure sufficient sleep every day – that’s just not reality. But by knowing the areas that a trickier for me, I can be better prepared to take control and ensure that the anxiety doesn’t control me instead.
The unwelcome return has proven to be a reminder to myself of how far I have come, a post it on the fridge door of my mind, that anxiety attacks are just a small part of me, I am strong enough to battle through.
ThatIsBeyond 
I am so sorry you suffered a panic attack recently. I have had anxiety and depression for most of my life and panic attacks are horrendous.
Fortunately, I have not had a real panic attack for a few years, but I still have times where I can feel the anxiety machine turning on and revving up. As you mention, knowing the triggers and warning signs can allow you to take control – as best you can – and turn back off the anxiety machine.
Growing up, most people advised me to be “strong” and “overcome” anxiety. But, it just made me depressed that I wasn’t strong enough. However, my last therapist told me instead to accept seeing the anxiety attack coming towards me and to not battle it. Instead, since I am an analytical person, construct a series of “if…then” statements. But the “then” statements have to be based in reality, not in catastrophization (which is what I tend to do).
It look a long time to train my brain to perform this way, as flight or fight is the natural response or fearing a castastrophe. I am still not perfect at it at all, but it has truly helped me get through some real tough moments way better than I ever could have imagined when I was younger.
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