I have always had a desperate need to be liked. 

I think it stems from navigating childhood with little to no friends, and sitting in the middle of a large family, and a large age gap upwards and downwards. But it has undoubtedly left me with a sense of not belonging. Too many times (even to this very day) I find myself wondering why people would want to be my friend.

The friendships that I have managed to form have been incredible. Fiercely forged, core memories built and then (all too often) nothing. The nothingness can sting. When you have been so loyally bound to someone and then there’s nothing but unanswered texts, cancelled meet ups and forgotten birthdays, it’s really hard to not take it personally.

In my need to hold on to these treasured friendships, I have clung on! Messaging, organising, checking in – but just like before I realised that I was doing all of the work. A friendship like any other relationship is a symbiotic, and as the onus falls to one person, it becomes the opposite, to quote google:

“It can be parasitic, whilst one party benefits, the other is harmed”

By being the person that tries to keep the friendship alive, I am ultimately harming myself. Because, if the value of that friendship was equal to both parties, then I wouldn’t be getting hurt.

At some point I found myself asking when is enough, enough? 

Friendships can morph and change over time and that is fantastic. It just looks a bit different from day to day. But other friendships can fall into acquaintanceships where your treasured memories are all but forgotten to the others. Hanging on for dear life isn’t going to achieve anything – except perhaps causing you more unnecessary harm.

I have realised that being open and honest is so important. Friendships are not about presenting the best version of yourself, they are about being open and vulnerable and caring. Having the difficult chats are important, and that person is caring enough about you, to help you learn from your mistakes.

Letting someone go is not ending a friendship, it is giving it a chance to metamorphosise into something else. Not all people are meant to be in our lives all of the time, some people drop in and out, but the true key for me has been whether or not you can just pick up where you left off. If you can, there is value of that person in your life, if you can’t then it’s probably time to say enough is enough – not to End it in dramatic flair, but to leave yourself open to new relationships.

It’s taken me a while to learn this lesson and it’s definitely not always easy, but I have realised how lucky I am to have the people that I do in my life, and I know that they value me too.

What a lucky position that is to be in. 

TIB